If you’ve been married for any length of time, you know that attraction tends to ebb and flow in marriage. Work stress, financial concerns, parenting challenges and many other issues all compete for our attention. Throw in the myriad of symptoms from chronic illness and we can easily struggle with desire and attraction.
But what happens where there is a more pervasive loss of attraction towards your spouse and not just the occasional “not tonight dear, I have a headache” routine? What happens when the attraction is gone or fading fast?
Corey and Gina outline three primary ways to become more attracted to your spouse and as you may have guessed, it starts with YOU. It’s not about changing your spouse – overhauling a wardrobe, putting on makeup or losing weight. It’s about changing your mindset.
1. Channel all your sexual energy into your marriage.
Every time you focus on sexual stimuli outside of your marriage, you both lose out. The most common form of sexual stimuli is pornography and other sexually explicit materials we’re bombarded with on a daily basis from the media. What’s set before our eyes is intended to spark an appetite. We’re beguiled into believing all the hype when in actuality, its pure fantasy.
When you become aware of responding to sexual stimuli (and you will because its everywhere and you’re human) channel that energy back to your spouse. Acknowledge that you’re not as attracted to your spouse as you want to be, forgive yourself for your feelings and be open to the idea of being fully aroused by the person you love. Keep the sexual energy in the marriage and don’t go anywhere else. Remember the reasons that attracted you to your spouse in the first place.
2. Live as attractive.
Are you attracted to who you see in the mirror? Confront yourself to the deepest parts of you. If you’re a woman, present your beauty, strength and love to your husband. Be fully feminine. If you’re a man, present your power and strength to your wife. Be fully masculine. Being shut down in your sex life doesn’t honor anyone.
Women especially need to wake up in the morning already convinced their husbands are attracted to them versus primping and styling in order to become attractive. A deeper knowing results in being confident in who you are and carrying yourself as such.
3. Recognize that your spouse is still going to be attractive to others.
Remember that there is still a competition going on. Just because you got your spouse to say “I do” doesn’t mean the competition is over. We often forget that our spouse is a sexual human being with attributes and components other people find attractive. If you keep in mind that other people would jump at the chance to go out with your spouse, it puts pressure on you to up your game.
We all need to have the attitude that we can’t just sit back, settle in and coast. We have to keep working. We need to make the most of every moment.
A great question to ask yourself is “would I want to be married to me?” Wrestle with that question for a while. Sometimes the answer will be yes and sometimes it will be no. Keep working on those aspects of yourself in order to become a better you. Not only will you reap the benefits but so will everyone around you.
Thoughts? Are there other ways that have helped you become or stay attracted to your spouse? Please leave a comment and share!